The Man I Never Knew

The first time I was reminded of the man I never knew was in the 4th grade
At a soccer game
On a Saturday
I saw a butterfly.
I quit indoor soccer after that
Because outdoor sports had more butterflies.

Whenever I meet a new dog I feel the man I never knew watching me
And it’s like he is there with me
So I guess you could say that I am a dog person
Or maybe it is that I am a man I never knew person.

Sad old women remind me of the man I never knew, too.
I think they make me think of his goodbye
Even considering my mother’s age at the time of departure
Still, there’s nothing sweet about him leaving her like that.

I guess it is to be expected, but fathers make me sad
And sons make me sad
And delighted old men make me sad.

Weather of any kind makes me think of him
I know he was a doctor
But when it’s raining
I imagine him giving me the weather report
That he wrote just for me.

I’ve seen him in every person I’ve ever met
And that has made it exceptionally hard to hate anyone
Especially him.

When I close my eyes I see that man that I never knew
And I’m scared that if I keep my eyes closed for too long
That I’ll return to the place I was
Before he left.

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