On: Forgiveness

I forgave you yesterday
And today
And I think I can do it tomorrow

It’s next Monday that worries me

It’s seeing you that worries me.

It’s saying goodbye
That makes me not want to do this.

I’d like to think
That if we had one Saturday in July
Then all of this would be clear.

This is not to say
That I am okay
With what happened between us.

This is to clarify
That you still hold a piece of my heart.
I still love you as I did-
But the trust you once cherished
Is dissolving.

This isn’t to apologize
For everything that you did.
This is just to remind you
That all of the fault is there-
But not all of the blame is on you.

For me,
There are two phases of forgiveness:
1.) I forgive you, because although I may not understand where you are coming from, or why you did what you did, I recognize the light within you and I release my grudge
2.) I actually forgive you. Completely.

When it came to you,
The first phase was almost immediate.
But the second phase,
The one that allows me
To search for happiness again,
Has yet to show its face.

The worst part
About the process
Is that it hurts much more
To be stuck after the first phase
Than it does before.

For me,
The second phase has always been the hardest.
And this time,
I’m not sure when I will get there.

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12 thoughts on “On: Forgiveness

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